Tuesday, 10 August 2010

The rise and fall of @#$%^&& electricity company

We didn’t hang around in Brisbane and quick off the mark we got interviews with a promotion company – promoting what exactly, we didn’t know. Arriving at our interview, we laid eyes on a room full of bushy eyed backpackers; every shape size from every corner of the world, all as clueless as us! It was hardly the intimate group interview we had envisaged, bearing more resemblance to a cattle market. We were told that we would be doing door to door sales, persuading home owners to switch electricity providers to X&@£*X%!. Everyone was called back for training including a 50 year old man from Kazakhstan...

The next two days were spent (unpaid) training; at this point we didn’t have much option other than to stick with it considering the credit cards had been overly swiped on the coast. Our teacher was a microscopic, egotistical, opinionated French man who thought he was Armani, sporting skinny jeans and thick black frames in an attempt to disguise his mono-brow.

His philosophy on humanity was that we can be categorized into one or a combination of four animals - a bull, peacock, lamb and an owl. Annie a lamb and K an owl, LIBERATION, the last 22 years suddenly made sense... not (Borat ). Combine this with him calling us arrogant he soon took first place on our ever growing shit list. Diarrhoea continually poured out of his mouth.

After an hour exam to prove we had the brain capacity to work out someone’s bill & understand their meter readings we were set to work. In our white T’shirts and rape alarms in hand, we were packed into a mini bus and one by one dumped on a corner in some remote suburb of Brisbane. An hour in, the water bottles went dry & the effects of being separated were surfacing. Wandering around in blistering heat knocking on every door, dogs barking and housewives telling us to fuck off..

Annie rang K “fuck this shit, I just signed up a lady, 5 minute job took me 45 and on her only day off”

K“I just witnessed my team leader bully an old deaf and blind couple into signing on”

We had enough. We missioned to the middle of the suburb to find each other and sat on a curb being munched on by ants. Ks phone was vibrating more than her rampant rabbit .Her team leader, Charlie, fresh from the mothers teet, common and horny as a chav dog on viagra, wanting to know where she was and how many people she had signed. In annoyance she picked up 
“none, I quit 
He began a motivation talk that forced K into meeting him to at least talk about her decision face to face. Annie remained sitting on the curb having a day dream – until Armani pulled up in his D0 Audi, French rap blasting from his muffled baseless speakers. The breaks squeaking as he came to a halt near the curb. He sat proudly in his child seat and instructed Annie to get into the banger. He tried to bribe her with a homebrand, melting lolly from his plastic budget glove box to get her back to work...she cringed at every emotional/motivating bull that dribbled out his mouth. She couldn’t stop staring at his chapped lips and diseased gums, what an arrogant prick. Meanwhile K is being talked down to as if she was an inmate in an American prison – she laughed at his child like face as he tried bribing her with drugs.

That evening Annie welcomed a kidney infection due to being left parched in the desert of Brisbane’s suburbs. K got her arm twisted into returning. Single handedly she managed to demotivate everyone else on the job, apart from an Aussie guy who lived off red bull and wore the same clothes for 3 days. Backpackers dropped like flies while K refused to do anything. She stopped selling electricity and started selling her company spending days looking through naked photos of old men’s ex wives’ & debating religion with Mormans. Soon it was all too much, with a diminished work force and cracks showing she was asked to leave. Months later the company went into liquidation...
strange that